


I, Lucretia

by Feyland



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Canon Temporary Character Death, Introspection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-10
Updated: 2018-04-10
Packaged: 2019-04-21 07:04:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,780
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14279598
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Feyland/pseuds/Feyland
Summary: The making of Madam Director.Work for the Bishop Myriel Fundraiser





	I, Lucretia

**Author's Note:**

> At the request of its-just-sharpie on tumblr, the winner of my offer for the Bishop Myriel Fundraiser auction:  
> A Lucretia-centric introspective fic with a side of Angus's many dads. 
> 
> cw for Stolen Century-style temporary death, mentions of canon-typical violence, and very brief reference to alcohol.

YEAR 106

 

She hadn’t expected an invitation to the wedding. She really should not have been close enough to even know about it. But the joyfully written announcement in a familiar hand had invited anyone in Raven’s Roost to join the party after the ceremony, and Lucretia found it was impossible not to follow the bright music to the expansive field, merriment and lantern light sparkling in the dusk. 

Magnus Burnsides had married Julia Waxman that afternoon, where she had taken his name as easily as she had taken his heart. This Lucretia knew because she had not been able to bring herself to leave Raven’s Roost until after the wedding. To see Magnus so happy - it eased the guilt of what she had taken from him, just a little. Magnus looked at Julia the way he had never looked at anyone for over one hundred years. 

When news had reached Lucretia about the insurgency against Governor Kalen, with Magnus’s name so prominently connected to it, fear had sent her to find him, to make certain his nature of taking the big hits didn’t lead to a death from which there was no returning. What she had found instead was a community filled with gratitude and love for the brave young man who had lead them out of tyranny. His thriving trade combined with his knack for making friends had led him to the kind of success Lucretia could not have dreamed possible the day he had found her in the midst of erasing their journeys from his mind. This life he had built - it must truly be the best thing for him, she thought, even as the ache of loss still found home in her chest. 

A familiar roar of laughter had that ache tugging at her heart as she joined the party. Magnus’s face was split wide with glee as Julia proved to the crowd that she could indeed lift her new husband despite wagers to the contrary. As she set him down, her plump face glowing, an eruption of applause prompted her curtsey. Magnus pulled her into an embrace, and Lucretia could see it was as though everyone else had fallen away as they shared a moment alone in a crowd. 

Guests began to dissipate, heading off to find a drink, or over to dance to the music of the assembled band, headed by a blue-scaled dragonborn. Magnus and Julia surveyed the party happily, arms around each other. The moment prompted Lucretia forward, nervously checking on her Disguise Self spell, a precaution that gave her the courage to approach. 

“Pardon me,” she said, struggling to keep her voice steady as Magnus turned towards her. “I just wanted to give you this.” She held out a modest jug, liquid sloshing against the clay lid. “It’s Suzale.” 

Magnus smiled at her, his natural warmness covering the lack of familiarity. 

“Thank you!” he said, accepting the jug. “Suzale is my favourite!” 

Lucretia knew that, of course. She had listened to him go on about how it was the best beer he’d had in a hundred years when they had first reached this plane.

“It isn’t much,” she said, feeling heat reach her cheeks, threatening her eyes with tears. “I just wanted to say congratulations.”

“Thank you so much,” Julia said, with heartbreaking sincerity. “What’s your name? We’ll send you a card.”

“Ah… Lucy. I’m not going to be in town much longer, but I do wish you all the best.”

“Well Lucy,” Magnus said, “I hope you enjoy the party while you’re here.”

Lucretia nodded, smiled, and did her best to melt into the crowd, leaving the newlyweds be. 

Later, when she returned to her room in the inn, she let the disguise drop, sat heavily on the bed, and let herself cry. 

 

 

YEAR 55

 

“Which of you chucklekfucks stole my wand?” Taako demanded, his voice bouncing off the metal walls of the Starblaster as he stood in the doorway of the common area where most of the crew was assembled. Merle and Davenport looked up from their cards, and Lup paused her game of Fantasy Candy Crush to eye her brother from the chair she was currently draped over. 

Lucretia, however, did not look up from her journals. “Check your ponytail.”

Taako’s hand flew to his hair, where he had woven in various leaves, beads, and jewels in what he had called “The Cool Kids’ Hip New Style, Fam”. From within the tangle of decorations, Taako drew forth his wand with a flourish. 

“How the fuck did that get there?” he said as he flopped onto a beanbag chair. 

Lucretia had seen him stick it in earlier, after he had used it to scratch an unreachable itch on his back. 

“Hey where’s my robe?” Magnus said, sliding into the doorway in his socks. He was only half dressed, hair still damp from the shower. 

“In the laundry,” said Lucretia. “I don’t think you’ve washed that thing in about three cycles.” Her mouth quirked as she spoke, the only break in her continued concentration on her journal. 

“Oh!” said Magnus, brightly. “Yeah you’re actually totally right! Thanks Lucretia!” And he was gone again, likely off to say goodnight to Fisher. 

Taako, it seemed, was not in the mood for quiet time, shifting restlessly in his seat until he gave up, getting to his feet. 

“You chumps are boring af. I’m going to go get my beauty sleep.” He yawned dramatically as he sauntered out of the room, launching a reaction yawn from Davenport, who covered it with his cards. 

“You should get some sleep too, Dav,” Lucretia said, finally looking up to survey the room. “We don’t want you nodding off behind the wheel.” 

They had yet to secure the Light of Creation, and Davenport spent his days navigating the sharp mountain peaks that covered most of the uninhabited world in which they had found themselves. 

“Probably right,” he said, stifling another yawn. “Call it a draw, Merle?” 

“Call it anything but late for dinner,” Merle said as he lay down his cards. “I should really go check on my plants before turning in. Make sure they’re getting… watered so right.”

“Grossaroony,” snorted Lup as Davenport and Merle stood to go, offering goodnights to the two women.

This was the sort of thing Lucretia liked about uninhabited worlds. Once in a while, she found, just being able to spend time with her friends was a nice change from the guilt and fear that coloured so many of the worlds they couldn’t save. And if her journal entries from quiet years were mostly filled with stories of shenanigans rather than a death toll, well, all the better.

“You don’t always have to do that, you know.” 

Lucretia looked up as Lup unfolded her limbs from her lounging position, got to her feet, and made her way across the room.

“Do what?”

“Be their mother,” Lup said, perching on Lucretia’s desk.

“I’m not-” Lup stopped her with a look. “I worry,” she said instead.

“Yeah, I know, they’re a bunch of ding-dongs but that doesn’t mean you have to always be the one picking up after them. They’re grown-ass adults, and apparently the most qualified members of Fantasy NASA to be shot into the complexities of time and space. You’d think Mags would have at least learned to sew after ripping his pants so many times.”

“He’s just really into the tight look right now,” Lucretia said, guiltily remembering the patch job she had left half-finished in her quarters. 

“Just because his ass looks particularly bangin’ these days doesn’t mean you have to be his personal tailor. Lucretia, you do a lot more goddamn work than anyone else on this ship. You have actual, important, relevant stuff to record. You don’t need to, like, keep a record of who isn’t drinking enough water.”  
“I can do both,” Lucretia protested, indicating the two journals open before her. One listed the effects the Light of Creation had on the flora of various planes they had visited. The other did indeed have a hydration tracker for the crew, a half dozen stars highlighting the fact that Barry had only had one glass of water that day, to Lucretia’s dismay.

“This is the shit I’m talking about. Let Barold turn himself into a shrivelled husk. If he dies from it, maybe he’ll learn his lesson and grow up a bit in the next cycle.”

“Aren’t you supposed to be in love with him?”

“That’s not the point,” Lup said, waving it away. “The point is that we all lean on you too hard, and it’s weighing you down from being the most fabulous, most gorgeous, baddest bitch in any plane of existence. Honestly, you should forget this thing.” She pointed at the second notebook. “Feed it to Fisher. Or, hell, I can get rid of it for you right now.” A flame sprang up in her hand.

Lucretia snatched both books back. “Lup-” she started, eyes narrowing.

“I’m just _saying_ \- you don’t need all this cataloguing.”

“Lup, is this-”

“And really, how are we going to learn any responsibility if you’re just going to keep leading us by the hand?”

Lucretia sighed, letting the journals drop into her lap as she held her face in her hands.

“Lup, is all this so that you can get of going to the dentist?”

Lup went silent. Then:

“… _You can’t prove anything,”_ she hissed

“All I said was that it had been over five decades since any of us got our teeth checked, and that the next plane we got to with an oral hygiene professional-”

“My teeth re-set to perfect every year! I don’t need a drill up in this grill!”

Lucretia blew out a shuddering sigh, trying to hold back the laughter building inside her.

“Would you go if Taako also had to go?”

Lup paused, considering. “He does really hate the dentist. Like. Reeaally hate it….You know what, that might actually just be worth it.

Lucretia smiled. Lup blew her a kiss as she went to reveal her brother’s fate to him.

 

 

YEAR 108

 

“Such an accomplished magician.”

“Such a dear friend.”

“Such a careful planner.”

“Such a liar.”

“Such an ego.”

“What are we going to do about that?”

 

The wheel had landed on Brain. The unseen voices seemed to come from everywhere at once as they debated the sacrifice Lucretia would have to make. 

“We could do away with some of her memories. Seems fitting, doesn’t it?”

“Mm, I like that. All the memories of when people loved her? They wouldn’t love you after what you did to them, would they, Lucretia?”

“You hang on to those happy times - the years when you were part of a team, before you betrayed them.”

“I didn’t-” Lucretia whispered, a wisp of black smoke escaping her lips.

“I have a better idea,” the female voice said, something oily creeping into her inflection. “Why don’t we take away just a little of her self-control.”

“Ooh, that sounds fun. Do tell,” replied her male counterpart.

“We know a lot about you, Lucretia. We found access to your deepest desired the minute you walked into Wonderland.”

“We’ve seen the faces that you keep buried in your mind. We know how desperate you are to see them again.”

“Really, this is a gift to you. Remove those pesky inhibitions so you can be free to be with your friends again.”

“No!” Lucretia said, dread entering her heart. The creatures who ran this place had seen correctly. Not a day passed that she didn't dream of reuniting with the Starblaster’s crew. But she forced down the desire every time. _Wait_ , she told herself. _Wait until this is finished._ Distance was the only way to keep herself from giving in, taking it all back, inoculating the others, hoping that they would forgive her. Even with Davenport at her side, a fragment of his former self, Lucretia had felt so alone for years. She had fooled herself into thinking she could handle it. She had managed it the year she had outrun the Judges. But then, there had been an end in sight. Now, she could see nothing but a wheel and a cloud of smoke. 

“Of course, you always have the choice of taking the penalty,” one voice reminded her. 

She looked down at Cam, resting heavily on the ground, his legs gone along with his left arm. They had been through this already. He had taken the big hits for her, initially because it was his job, and then because Lucretia could see that he had given up hope. A steady trickle of black left him with every breath. 

“No,” she said softly. “I’ll accept it.” 

It didn’t feel as instantaneous as she had expected. Instead, it built like a hunger as she and Cam continued through the horrors of Wonderland. 

_Taako was last performing his show near the Evermoors. If I travel north…_

_Merle must still be down near Baldur’s Gate. I could meet his child…_

_I’ve heard of a craftsman’s showcase happening in Neverwinter. Maybe Magnus will attend…_

The thoughts gnawed at her as she moved through the hellscape. The urge filled her, distracted her, caused her to fumble with logic as she set her king down in a fatal move that would cost her the game of chess, and twenty years of her life. Cam had cried out to her as she did it, but his voice seemed far away, lost behind the desperate desire dragging her on. The need should have frightened her, would have done so had the pleading within her mind not been so strong. 

 

Her quest for the Animus Bell suddenly seemed insignificant. It wasn’t enough to acquire it. It was not her mission to complete alone. She needed her teammates, her friends, beside her. It was that need that caused her to make her choice. 

“We’re so sorry to see you go, Lucretia, darling.”

“Oh yes. And it seems like Cam will be missing you too.”

A shudder ran through Lucretia as she cast a last look at Cam, reduced to nothing more than a head, his face twisted in the shock of betrayal.

“I’ll…I’ll try to come back for you,” she said, the words sticking in her throat. 

“Oh, no one comes back to Wonderland, dear. It’s a once in a lifetime experience!” The male voice purred.

Lucretia had nothing else to say then. A panel in the wall opened up, dazzling sunlight beyond, though not a ray passed into the inky blackness of Wonderland itself. The faces of her friends set her feet moving. _Taako. Merle. Magnus. Barry. Lup. Davenport._ She stepped outside. The brightness hurt her eyes, and she raised one hand to shield her face. New lines of age creased them. Behind her, the panel slid shut.

She began to walk. 

 

She went to the beach first. White sand dunes scattered with shells and driftwood sloped down towards the water, sparkling blue and gently waving. Lucretia’s leather boots felt too warm, too out of place, as she picked her way down the sand. She looked out at the sea, remembering another beach on another planet. 

She neared the cottage at the far end of the cove, its paint weathered but clean, palm trees surrounding it like peaceful guardians. The walkway up to the door was lined with sand dollars, giving Lucretia pause. That year on the beach, Merle had made her a hat out of sand dollars, arguably the best possible gift in terms of slime-factor. She still had it, somewhere in her quarters on the Starblaster, which she had hidden away in a cavern, still where she called home.

Even as she stepped up to the door and knocked, Lucretia still felt the unease of going against her better judgement. Her logical side fumed at her for giving into the temptation of finding her friends again. But after the disaster of Wonderland…maybe it was a sign that she couldn’t do it all on her own.

A dwarven woman opened the door, holding a little boy on her hip. Her eyes panned up to Lucretia’s face, immediate distrust of the human woman colouring her expression. 

“He-hello,” Lucretia said, suddenly incredibly uncomfortable. “I, ah, I’m looking for Merle Highchurch?”

The dwarf snorted, her lip curling. “You and me both, sweetheart,” she said. “The bastard took off six months ago. He kept going on about how he wanted some adventure. Well, I guess he hasn’t done well for himself because he hasn’t sent back a single copper piece. Who cares about feeding his children anyway!”

“Oh…I. Ah. Sorry…to bother you,” Lucretia said, taking a step back as the other woman continued to gripe.

“If you see him, tell him to come home so I can kick his ass out again,” she said fiercely.

“I will. Ah, sorry again, Mrs. Highchurch.”

“It’s Roughridge! Like hell I’m using that deadbeat’s name,” she replied, and slammed the door. 

Lucretia stood frozen a moment before finally turning. She slowly made her way down the beach, a drop of salt water on her cheek, matching the ocean beside her.

 

 

The town of Redroad was unfortunately true to its name. The hem of Lucretia’s blue cloak was caked in thick red dust from her travels into the village, despite her best effort to beat it out. 

The town square was moderately busy, with local merchants and farmers selling their wares, but no brightly painted caravan stood out to Lucretia as she walked among the stalls. Her disappointment was limited, though. She hadn’t truly expected to find Taako in the first village she visited, but the latest information she had on his tour schedule suggested he would be somewhere around the Evermoors. A storefront with a smiling halfling man behind the counter seemed as good a place as any to start. 

“Pardon me,” she said as she approached.

“Yes, less! What can I do ya for?”

“I’ve only just arrived in town, and I’d heard there was a cooking show passing through this area sometime soon. “Sizzle it Up with Taako”? Would you know-” Lucretia stopped short as the man’s face suddenly darkened, his smiling mouth twisting into a grimace.

“I reckon you haven’t heard, but ya should be careful sayin that name around these parts. After what he did to Glamour Springs…” The man spit onto the floor.

Dread filled Lucretia. “What happened?”

The story was a short one, luckily for Lucretia as she began to feel more and more ill as the man explained to her the mass casualty resulting from Taako’s 30 Garlic Clove Chicken recipe. As far as the shopkeeper knew, Taako hadn’t yet been caught and imprisoned for his alleged crime, but he did inform Lucretia of the price on his head should she come across him. Lucretia faintly thanked the man as she walked, dazed and sick, out of the town square and up a small grassy hill. She sat heavily, confusion, fear, and guilt writhing inside her as she dropped her head into her hands.

 

 

The quiet alerted her first. As Lucretia neared the crest of the cliff that hosted the city of Raven’s Roost, she could hear nothing but the gulls and the breaking of waves in the sea far below. The busy sounds of hundreds of people living and working in close proximity was replaced with only the sharp wind that blew through the empty homes and shops, hissing through broken windows like something alive. The city was devoid of colour. The beauty of well-crafted and beautifully painted architecture Lucretia remembered from her last visit was gone, smothered by dust and ash, crumbling and blown out in places. Many buildings seemed unscathed, though they were boarded up and abandoned. Just over a year ago, the streets had thrived with trade, craftsmen, rich smells, and warm people. That Raven’s Roost was gone, replaced by a ruin and a tomb. 

The street before Lucretia seemed to break off at the cliff’s edge, the ground around it black and scarred. She neared it, taking tentative steps on the loose earth. Peering over the edge, Lucretia felt her heart stop. At the bottom of the cliff, half submerged in the sea, was the shattered remains of what had been the Craftsmen Corridor. She stared at the rubble a long while, as if it could tell her what had happened there, but it gave her no answers. She did not want to think of Magnus’s broken body beneath the stone and timber, but the desire to know if he was alive sucked the very air out of her lungs. 

Trying to regain her breath, she turned from the edge, facing another shattering sight. Several yards away stood the remains of a gazebo. Somehow, half the structure had survived, its beams managing to carry the weight of the roof alone. The other half had been torn away, leaving a jagged rent through the middle. 

Something heavy settled in Lucretia’s chest, and she shut her eyes tightly as she slowly made her way out of town again. She did not cry; she had no more tears to shed. 

 

 

Year 36

 

Numbness seeped though Lucretia’s veins as she stared at the broken body in front of her. Barry’s neck was snapped, turned at a sickening angle, and most of his right arm had been burned away, the blackness of charred flesh reaching all the way up to his face. His glasses were gone, shattered sometime before the huge creature made of fire had torn him apart. 

He would be back, Lucretia knew, in just a few short weeks when the Hunger arrived and the Starblaster’s crew would revert to who they had been the day they had escaped their home world. Just a little harder. More wary. More afraid.

She turned away from Barry’s body. It never got any easier. 

 

 

 

YEAR 112

 

“That’s it. Now see if you can get him to move.” Lucretia watched as Angus concentrated, tongue between his teeth, as his double took a jerking step, and then another. Another minute, and Angus had mastered the control over his magical twin, sending it around the room, crouching, leaping, moving in ways Lucretia had never in seen Angus himself, but which looked incredibly lifelike, much to his delight. 

“Wonderful!” she said, smiling at Angus, who beamed back at her, his copy matching his expression. “The next step is to be able to cast spells through your double. It might be a better angle for you, or it could convince an enemy to go after him instead of you if they think he’s the real one.”

Lucretia wasn’t exactly thrilled at the thought of Angus facing off any more foes, but the alternative of him being unprepared in case of an emergency was even more unthinkable. And Angus had asked her for help, had begged to learn a few tricks from ‘ _probably the most powerful magician in the world; please don’t tell Taako I said that.’_ And while Lucretia didn’t consider herself the easiest person to flatter, something in Angus’ eyes caught her up. His gaze was full of hope and promise. His curiosity was familiar - Lucretia had experienced that first-hand when he had nearly uncovered the Bureau of Balance all on his own. But there was something more about him that left Lucretia contemplating. As she taught him the basics of some of her favourite spells, she watched as Angus took careful notes of the words, movements, and physical components she used. 

An old memory struck her, sending her back to a library over a century ago. She could feel the worn leather of the book she carefully opened on an oak desk, feeling the piecing eyes of the doubtful librarian who was reluctant to hand over such a precious book to such a young girl. Beside the book, Lucretia lay out a notebook and quill ready to take down notes on the arcane knowledge before her. 

Taking notes was as natural as breathing to Lucretia. She had recorded the feats of people in one hundred different worlds, learning from each of the thousands of stories she retold to her journals. It was shocking, then, after the Day of Story and Song, when her own story was broadcast throughout the universe, and people listened. She had biographers begging for interviews, wanting to know more about her childhood, her time spent in their plane, all the things she had neglected to record in the journals Fisher had shared with infinite planer systems.

That had been touching, flattering, but nothing could really compare to the pride with which Angus glowed when she praised his progress. That, she knew, would never fail to touch her heart. 

Angus had just opened his mouth when Taako Blinked into the material plane right beside him, twisting whatever Angus was about to say into a sharp squeak, his double vanishing as his concentration was severed.

“What’s hangin’, compadres?” Taako said, his casual tone ruined by the grin of a career prankster. 

“H-hello sir,” Angus gasped, a hand over his heart as he tried to recover from the fright. “That was a great goof.” He grimaced.

“Yes, very original,” supplied Lucretia, trying to keep the stern look on her face.

“Ya don’t mess with a good thing,” Taako said, shrugging, before whipping his head around to listen for something beyond the room. He Blinked away again suddenly as heavy footsteps moving quickly towards them, and Magnus burst into the room.

“Ango!” he said, bending his knees and resting his hands on them as he heaved in a breath. “Taako’s…planning….on scaring….you some…how…ran…to tell you…ya gotta…be carefAHHH!” 

The sudden reappearance of Taako, perched on Magnus’s shoulders, had sent the latter stumbling back while Taako gripped his hair to hang on. 

“We’re in the middle of a lesson,” Lucretia said mournfully, even as she watched Angus’s attention be dragged away. 

“What’s all the yelling? Are we fighting something?” said Merle, shuffling into the room. “I’m not wearing my battle flip-flops. Do I have time to change?”

“The only thing we’re fighting is your choice in footwear, homie,” Taako said from above, as Magnus tried to return his heart to his chest cavity. “Now, someone help me down. I’m not going to burn a spell-slot, but I’ll be pissed if I end up breaking my ankle on the descent from Mount Mango.” 

Angus ran up to offer his hand. 

“No no no that won’t do at all,” Taako said, waving Angus back. “I’ll need at least _two_ boy detectives to _properly_ escort me.

Delight bloomed in Angus’s face as he held out his wand, concentrating, until he was again standing next to a doppelgänger of himself. 

“ _Much_ better,” Taako said, allowing himself to be assisted down from the back of a grinning Magnus. 

“Well shit,” Merle said, in genuine awe. “I was probably twice your age when I learned how to do that.”

“Hoooorseshit,” crowed Taako. “You’ve never duplicated yourself in your whole life, old man. Angus is five years old-”

“Sir, I’m actually-”

“-and he’s easily got more magic in his baby teeth than what you picked up in a couple centuries. Face it, Merle, when you have Taako from TV as your personal trainer, you know you’re gonna end up a good, good magic boy.”

“Not to mention he’s taken lessons from Lucretia too,” Magnus supplied.

“Mm, details,” Taako said airily, but he sent a half-smile in Lucretia’s direction, and she did not miss the subtle thumbs up he made before adjusting his hat. “The real test would be a duel, of course, to see how much Agnes has actually picked up. What do ya say, kid?”

“I would be honoured, sir!” Angus said, and turned to Lucretia, a searching look for approval written on his open face. 

“While I have no doubt Taako would rather keep the record of his ass being thoroughly kicked strictly to this room, I would recommend using the quad as a dulling ground for the sake of minimal damage.” Lucretia smiled. “And so everyone else at the Bureau can watch.”

“Oooooooh,” Magnus taunted as Taako gritted his teeth. 

“You’re on, little man.”

Lucretia followed the others out of the chamber, content to listen to the jabs between Taako and Magnus, who had declared himself Angus’s hype-man. It was rare for them all to be together again, all of them scattered in different directions to lead their most fulfilling lives. Reunions like this were meant for stories like that to take form, Lucretia knew. 

 

For families like theirs. 


End file.
